To the Parents of the Boy Who Bullied My Son 20 Years Ago


          Today I was scanning some old negatives and came across a picture of your son.  I wish I could say that he hasn’t crossed my mind since that was taken but that would be a lie. To this day I wonder if he learned his behavior from you or if he was just a difficult child that had picked up some bad habits. 
          It’s been almost 20 years since our sons met in Boy Scouts.  While I had been den mother for the Cub Scouts there was a very good Scout Master for the Webolos .  Being a small pack in India made it difficult to avoid those you didn’t get along with.  I’ll be the first to say that the chemical reaction between my son and your son was explosive.  If my son had done something to your son, I never heard of it.  What I did hear was your son having an issue with the fact that my son was half American and half Indian.  Foul names were used, but I didn’t hear about that until much later. 
          Once my son became a Webolo, he was over the moon.  He loved the concept of earning pins to put in his boy scout hat.  He worked hard to get as many as he could.  I was even thinking that maybe one day he would want to be an Eagle Scout.  However, I slowly watched as his desire to attend the meetings decreased.  What brought it to a head was the day your son and his friends ganged up on my son and stole his Scout Cap during an outside event.  They hid it.  When I came to pick him up after the meeting he told me what happened.  Luckily no one had left so I informed the Scout Master.  He sent your son and his friends out to get the cap.  Unfortunately, sadly, heartbreakingly, it had been removed.  We went to the lost and found.  We searched everywhere.  It was gone.  The rewards of his hard work, were gone. 
          At the following meeting my son was given a new Boy Scout Cap with duplicates of his pins, but it never meant the same to him.  While I was told that the boys who had stolen and hidden my sons cap were paying for it, it meant nothing to me.
Shortly after this incident the Camp Out was being held.  Unlike in the US, it wasn’t deemed safe to have a camp out away, so it was held on the school grounds.  
I was helping out with arranging the food when my son told me that your son called him gay, there were other things as well, but that was the last straw.  I didn’t know then if my son was gay or not.  Actually, I didn’t care if he was or not.  But the epithet was being used to denigrate and to separate my son from the pack.  Quietly, I pulled the Scout Master aside, explained what had been done and said,  then left it in his hands as to how it should be handled.  I remember you apologizing, but the damage had been done.
If I remember correctly your son ended up sleeping in your tent and my son  ended up sleeping with his pack, anything else that happened luckily has been forgotten. 
However, the pain of knowing that your son tarnished something my son loved.  So much so, that the following year my son decided he was not returning to scouts.  It occasionally haunts me still today. 
I’m not even sure if my son thinks about this anymore.  He has followed his dreams and to my knowledge has never done to anyone what was done to him by your son.  I wish I could say your son was the only one that held my son’s mixed heritage against him, but that would be a lie.  However, it was your son that was able to take away something my son loved. 

I hope your son out grew his bigotry.  I hope that your guidance was able to show him where he went wrong.  I wish I knew for sure, then I might be able to release that little knot of angst I still hold in my heart.

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