Privilege in the Age of COVID 19

February 20, 2020, I had spent the previous two nights at my marital home with my 87 year old Father-in-law, otherwise known as Papa.  I was supposed to volunteer at a library, but the rest of the volunteers were unable to make it for various reasons, I decided I wouldn’t go in and that we would all try to go in the following Monday.  So I went home instead of the library.  Courtesy of Delhi NCR traffic it took me almost 2 hours.  By the time I reached home I was feeling off, my eyes hurt and basically feeling yucky.  By evening I was running a low grade fever, but since my normal temperature is 97.8 F running a 100 F is like running a 101 F.  My body hurt, my eyes hurt, I only wanted to sleep. During the next few days the sweats were horrible.  Even feeling as bad as I did, I would get up and change my nightgown a couple of times a day to get some of the stink off me. Four days of that fever, granted it was never very high, but it left me exhausted.  

I was supposed to meet a chef who was handling my younger son’s wedding catering, I asked that the meeting be postponed to the following week.  By then I had a dry non productive cough, but actually was feeling quite good.  I tried to refrain from shaking anyone’s hands and sat for several hours discussing the menu concepts in detail.  Sicilian, South Indian and Balinese.  I was excited as creating menus is one of my creative outlets.  I went home and realized I was done in and all I had done was sit and talk.  

By this time I had moved from my bedroom and began sleeping in my recliner.  The infection had moved to my lungs and the cough became more persistent although still not productive. If I tried laying down flat I could hear crackling with every breath I took.  Rumors of COVID 19 had begun and so I put on the mask I usually use for when the pollution is very high in Delhi and went to a local OPD.  After what seemed like forever I saw the doctor, had a chest x-ray, and blood was taken to check for flu and swine flu.  The flu tests came back negative, but the chest x-ray showed bronchitis.  So now it was antibiotics and a cough syrup (more on that later), also nebulizer and anti-allergy medications.  

Regarding cough syrups, under normal circumstances I never take them.  I have atrial fibrillation, which means my heart rate can jump to 150+ for no reason.  I take medication and have mainly had it under control, but I can no longer take certain asthma medication, caffeine, and most cough syrups.  I explained this to the doctor, but he said I would have no problem with this cough syrup.  I really should have confirmed with my cardiologist first.  

I went home and took my first doses and fell asleep on the couch.  I woke up 2 hours later with that lactic acid feeling in the back of my neck and my heart bouncing between 60-150.  I took my emergency medicine and waited.  Five hours later my heart rate was back to normal and I was feeling even more crappy, because a racing heart rate makes you feel like you’ve been running an uphill marathon.  

So I messaged my cardiologist with the developments she replied quickly.  Everything worked out and she did not recommend me coming in to the hospital as I was already unwell and  she didn’t want me to catch anything else.

On Friday I went back to the flu doctor and he was surprised that I had a reaction. But since my lungs weren’t fully clear he gave me another antibiotic and sent me on my way.  

The antibiotics worked, slowly,  I had to continue to sleep in my recliner for another two weeks, The cough persisted, but I refused to take any cough medicine.  I just steamed  and nebulized myself several times a day.   We had cough drops stashed all over the house for when my throat started feeling irritated, because even though the cough wasn’t productive, no one enjoys hearing someone cough up a lung, not to mention it hurts like Hell after awhile.  

As the days passed I slowly and I do mean slowly regained my energy, Hubby and I took two walks in the evening around our complex.  Before I got sick, I would have walked several rounds, but I only had the energy for 1 round each time.

The family had not gone out for dinner together since I had become sick, which is very unusual so after three weeks they insisted on going out for dinner twice, each time Hubby made sure that there was distance between tables as COVID 19 news was becoming more prominent.  Then the government began recommending Shelter in Place and then on Sunday, March 22, 2020, the Indian Government declared a lockdown.  So from February 20 - March 22, I had been out all of 7 times, 1 meeting, 2 doctors appointments, 2 walks within my apartment complex gardens, and 2 dinners.  

It is now May 7, I have basically been in my house for 11 weeks.  I have worked on several projects, I have watched a ton of movies, but mostly I have taken up cooking again and playing bridge and sudoku.  I try and have a daily goal of doing one thing new, whether it is making faux sun dried tomatoes, or cleaning out a closet.  I’m lucky I have staff to do many of the house chores and I only have to take care of my laundry, bedroom, and bathrooms.  They do the staple cooking which leaves me free to do fun items like faux sun dried tomato spread, tacos, mangochi, and Chinese nights.  

I know I’m lucky.  Everyday I thank God that I am able to feed and house my family and staff.  I have access to internet and therefore endless entertainment.  I have several members of my family living with me so I’m not alone.  We have ample space so when we need some alone time there is a room to go to.  I do not have to go out into the markets to get food.  I just order online and the next day about half of my requests arrive.  I’m lucky, the fresh fruits and vegetable vendors have ample supplies of 95% of what I order.  I live a privileged life and I know it.  I am grateful.

Within my complex, residents are only allowed to walk to the Needs Shop (small grocery store), walk dogs to the relieving area or to go out for medicine.  Cars are checked coming and going.  When you come back they remotely check your temperature.  Part time staff has been forbidden entry.  Staff either lives with you or cannot come into the complex.  Children and people above the age of 60 have been ordered not to leave their apartments.  We are lucky, we have people who can do their jobs remotely. My staff is content living in for the duration. Groceries and produce are delivered to our door.  

I don’t know what I had back in February, but listening to how people who are recovering from COVID 19 are feeling, I don’t want to catch it any sooner than I have to.  I’m quite sure I’ll catch it, I am just hoping that I can keep from getting it until they have medicines that they know will work on most patients.  I would like to be able to go to a doctors office and the doctor actually examine me without the added chance of catching COVID 19 .  I would like to be able to be tested to confirm what illness I have. I know people who are unwell, but don’t have access to a doctor or who are too afraid to go to an open OPD.

All I had was some type of viral infection that converted into bronchitis.  No one in my house caught it. Thank God Papa didn’t catch whatever I had. I have access to doctors who respond to messages and in an emergency I have doctors I can call or visit, even under lockdown..  I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is from. Under normal conditions, I do my major grocery purchases once a month and then just use the local Needs shop for perishables like bread or yogurt and maybe fruits or vegetables.  Since lockdown the only staple we’ve run out of is tomatoes and that for only one day.  The only reason we were unable to get tomatoes was because the Mandi (vegetable market) where the Needs shop acquired their produce was closed for several days due to a COVID 19 outbreak.  While some exotic or foreign food items are becoming scarce i.e. taco shells, cheddar cheese,  local food products and produce are readily available.  On rare occasions I may have to try a different store, but then they all deliver.  The items are delivered either to our door or to the main gate.  My staff puts on gloves and masks and then sanitizes everything that comes into the house.  Bags and cartons are put in the outside garbage.  Then the items are placed on the dining room table and left for a couple more days, just in case.  

Monday thru Friday during the day, family members with jobs go to their respective corners and work.  Only coming out for meals. Initially, we would watch the news incessantly during meal times, Now we try to only watch during breakfast and then a short time early evening.  If we are lucky most will be finished with work by 6 or 7 and then we either watch a movie or play scrabble.  On the weekends no one usually works, so we have leisurely breakfast and add Catan to our games list.  We have even been known to play Codenames, Yahtzee and I’ve taught them all how to play 5 card draw and 5 card stud.

Most evenings Hubby and  I play bridge  with friends on Bridge Base Online and we do a group call at the same time so we can chit chat as we play.  Other evenings we have Zoom gatherings where we talk about news and what we want to do when we can go out. Sometimes we have singalongs.  But then we end with wondering  when we will be able to get together or fly to see our families.  Some spouses have been in lockdown in different countries.  

It’s May in Delhi and temperatures are reaching 40 C or over 100F.  Our complex has full back up for electricity, so I don’t worry about my lights or air conditioning going out..  The internet is stable and allows me to video call my family in the US. We bake birthday cakes and blow out candles.  We celebrate together even though we are far apart.

We also mourn together, as we have prayer meetings for those who have departed during lockdown.  It is not the same as hugging each other tight, but it is better than sitting alone with no one to reminisce or mourn with.

At present I can sit and enjoy breathing, the air is the cleanest I have breathed in decades.  The sky is often blue instead of dingy grey from smog and pollution.  I can assuage some of my privileged guilt by clicking on my favorite NGOs who are feeding those who have none of what I have and donating to help.  My choices are

https://www.mobilecreches.org/

https://www.facebook.com/DelhiLangarSevaSociety    

We have staff that are not living with us.  Before lockdown I employed 2 full time and 1 part time house staff, 2 drivers, 1 gardener, and one daily cleaning service.  When lockdown was announced and we foolishly thought it would be only for a couple of weeks we had the two full time staff move in to what was previously the break room. (In other apartments I have heard that they put 2 sets of bunk beds in the 10'x10' room and have four men sleep there.  We never thought the staff quarters were actually big enough for residence so we put in 3 foam chair beds, a TV with cable and a DVD player and our home staff would use it for their down time.  The cleaning service, 2 men, would come at 8:30 every morning.  They would clean all of the balconies, scrub all the bathrooms (there is a bathroom attached to each bedroom),  dust and clean the floors (floors in India have to be done daily), they would also make the beds.  They would finish and leave by 11:30. 

Even before lockdown we had cancelled the cleaning service and part time gardener as they were going house to house.  We had also told one driver and the part time house staff to stay at home as the distance was too far and they were travelling by metro which increased their chance of getting sick.They are lucky they live with their spouses and children.  We told them stay home, take care of what you have to take care of and stay safe.  Their jobs are safe. Once lockdown was announced we had the two full time house staff move into our staff quarters and gave cash and a car to the other driver, thinking he could run shopping errands for us (we did that only once as it became apparent that it wasn’t a long term solution.)  

Those decisions left the driver stuck in his apartment alone. We had put extra data on his phone in the hopes that he could talk with his wife and daughters back in the village, but it is planting season and farmers don’t have a lot of free time even during a lockdown.  He used to go out to purchase his food, but then he asked to move in here with the two others.  We insisted he had to be quarantined for 14 days before he could move in, so he began coming once a week outside our complex gate to pick up provisions from us.  However,  the complex refused to allow him to move in  unless he went to a hospital to prove he wasn’t sick.  There was no way we would send a healthy person to a hospital, he would have probably gotten sick from the hospital. So he continued to isolate in the hopes that when lockdown ended he could come, but lockdown was extended.  We must not be the only ones who want a staff member to move in as yesterday the complex arranged for a testing camp for anyone who wanted to get their staff in to live.  So yesterday he came to pick up his rations and then gave blood.  His results will come in three days, if he comes negative, he can move in and sleep in the staff quarters.  It will be three of them in that small room we previously used as a break room.  Even knowing that he will have to go from a private room with a bath to a shared room and bath.  He still wants to come because he is so lonely.

Luckily because of demonetization a couple of years ago, I forced everyone to have a bank account so that I could transfer their salaries directly.  I have become proficient in netbanking and paying for things online.  This  keeps my staff from worrying about their pay, as those who live  in nearby states will have access to their pay and those who live with us can forward their pay to their family in the village as needs be. 

I’m lucky, I’m blessed. My home is filled with family and I am able to easily communicate with the family that isn’t here.  I am comfortable and well fed.  I don’t have to rush and scramble for food or water.  I am grateful for what I have. Just like everyone else I miss going out, going to movies, having my hair done, meeting friends and family.  I miss going to the grocery store and just wandering around a market.  I miss travelling,  I am sad that I can’t go to the US as planned. But as long as my loved ones are safe, I will be grateful and will indulge in video calls until the day I can grab on and hug them..