Ode to Alex

Oh you damn dog.

You troublesome heathen,

You hyper leash biter.  

We got you to keep your brother company.

He was first and always best.

But then with him I had the time and energy.

He was sick and almost died when he was so little.

But he recovered and bounced right back and learned 

To sit, to shake and roll over.

He would eat enough food to fill his tummy

But there you were a year and half later. 

You gobbled your puppy food from a bowl filled five times a day

Then when Caesar, from his bowl walked away,

You ran to finish what he had left.

I say you ran, moved fast you did

But your legs were short and stubby

Never quite growing to match your body.

You were so little that we didn’t want you left alone

We didn’t want Caesar to mistake you for a bone.

Our Guy Friday, would leash your brother 

You thinking it was a tandem string 

Grabbed the leash with your tiny teeth 

Allowing yourself to be dragged to his quarter.

A year later when we got your little brother

You ignored him as if he wasn’t worth the bother.

But his food bowl was always a lure.

The poor thing had to be fed far from you.

Though your brothers both big and small

Were quiet and well behaved 

You tortured our eardrums whenever the doorbell rang.

Your love of food was not limited to yours and your brothers’.

You found a place in line of eye of anyone munching 

eating breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Your spaniel eyes, big and brown

Framed with a tint of red , like all your breed.

Guilt an emotion I refuse to greet

Would run hither and thither,

As you looked me eye to eye

And wagged your tailless behind.

We laughed and giggled as you hoarded your toys and cursed your name when our socks disappeared.

You stole our socks and hid them we knew not where.

Finding them only when we moved from there to here.

You loved the garden, you ate the grass.

Then coughed it up to take another taste.

You chased your brothers around the house.

Upstairs and downstairs,

Inside and out.

But we knew you’d end the run in the kitchen 

Hoping, begging a scrap or two.

Oh the horror when you discovered the garbage can

Worse when you learned to tip it on end

Garbage strewn all over the lawn

Your mama embarrassed if anyone saw.

The kitchen door you learned to open

To the garden you ran chasing birds and brothers 

Barking for everyone’s attention.

We read, we studied we trained and rewarded and occasionally we punished with a heavy heart

Eventually finally you learned to bark less, but 

Never ever not at all.

Taking you out for a walk

To do your business, oh what a chore.

You pulled and strained and tried to bite the length of leash

(Remembering the days when you held your brother’s between your teeth)

Eager to claim each tree and bush

All the tugs and pulls and racing

We’d think your business would quickly finish.

How wrong we thought.

You’d smell here and there and everywhere

You’d walk left and to the right or round and round

Occasionally teasing us, almost dropping your bottom.

But then the breeze would gently blow or 

A horn would honk and there you’d go.

Finally, our patience would be rewarded

Your bottom dropped and so did a plop, 

But then you’d take a look around 

And shift your feet 

Crouching round and round

In a tight circle always with your bottom down,

Leaving little plops in a circle on the ground.

Once you were finished and your business complete

You’d look up looking proud and ready for a treat.

Oh Alexander, you blue roaned spaniel

Named for a leader

You quickly became Alex and a permanent beta.

You never corrected big brother and 

Left little bro to his own devices.

Your once black snout too soon showed grey.

In your old age you decided that all the toys and food bowls belonged to you and not your pack.

You’d claim the food and claim the toy 

And give a sharp bark to keep brothers away.

Once again we had to retrain and soon 

The sound of your name became a common refrain.

Said often with irritation and exasperation, 

And always with love.

One day we believed you chose to ignore

We’d call your name, but no reaction any more.

Caesar was blind and hard of hearing.

You were deaf and incapable of hearing

Our commands or words of love.

We noticed your back legs began to buckle, 

But spaniels we knew were susceptible to such behavior.

Then one day blood sprayed from your nose.

The vet said your gums were the cause.

We followed advice and I’d put on my finger

An infant toothbrush slash massager

I’d work your tender gums. 

You hated the medicated gel and disliked me.

You’d look at me with an accusing stare.

Then one day you sniffed but walked away from your beloved morning buttered toast.

The next morning once again you came

You sniffed and walked away

My little piglet in spaniel form 

You never left food before.

How many times have I had a snack 

And put my plate on the coffee table back

I’d turn my head to say a word

The plate would be emptied before the sentence was uttered.

My middle permanent toddler, my little Mikey, now refusing food, 

How could that happen?

It’s just his teeth, I told myself

But inside a different voice hollered

He’s not well.

The vet he took a look,

Tonics and pills a detested regime prescribed.

Then one morning you woke the house with your howls, your body shaking and shivering, you were going insane.

You could not see. 

Not like Caesar a bit at a time, as cataracts grew over time.

This was abrupt and immediate

Once again to the vet you were taken

And the test results came back, diagnosis detached retina.

Blood and x-rays taken, sonogram performed.

Detached retina, enlarged spleen, maybe there’s a tumor in a lung and a haemogram of only 5, blind and deaf,

How could this be?

Only yesterday he was active and moving around

Claiming the food bowl and jumping on the bed.

He had been his usual possessive self.

New prescriptions and more tests. 

Anti-anxiety pills, who knew valium for dogs.

An MRI to show both the tumors. 

The doctors say you aren’t in any pain

But your lifespan four months maybe six.

Depends upon the spleen’s mass. 

It’s thin wall might burst and then there would be no time at all.

I pray to God to reduce your anxiety to keep you 

Free of fear and pain.  

I refuse to think beyond now 

Not even today is promised.

I know I’m breaking all the alpha mama rules.

But we have taken responsibility for you.

It’s our job to keep you safe.

I’ll feed you and stroke you and correct you if necessary 

I will love you and not worry,

I stuff you with all the thing you love

Ice, eggs, and roti.

You no longer guard the bowls full of food or drink from the two water bowls.  

Your humans watch you

Mama, Papa, two human brothers and a sister-in-law.

We hate seeing you so blue. 

But proud we are

You take your shots, although you fight your medicine, you walk your home and you once again have begun to roam. 

Only when you box yourself in 

Do you bark and whine and call us all in.  

We direct you to an open space and off you go 

Bumping into walls and doors and a brother or two.

You try and find the the balcony for relief, 

but let us know when you can’t quite reach.

Two times a day you're taken out. 

To the relief spot and once again, you make your circles

The doctor has said you aren’t in pain 

and it seems your anxiety lessens each day.

But each night your demeanor changes, 

Once again incessant barking a combination of 

Pent up emotion and unending prednisone hunger.

I try and soothe you with ice and roti. 

I walk you to the balcony in case you need relief.

I hold you on my lap in the hope that my scent will comfort.

I stroke your soft fur. 

Am I comforting you or are you comforting me?

I’m not sure.

Finally, you shift and move a bit 

You get comfortable and sleep.

Soon I’ll lift you and carry you to bed.  

Mama and Papa will keep you between them.

Touching with an occasional rub, 

To let you know we are there.

I know one day I have a hard decision to make.

I will not force you to live in pain for my sake.

But for now I’ll sit and stare

Stroke your fur and be grateful you’re still here.

(final stanza written February 10, 2022)

Fifteen months went too quickly,

Longer than the 6 proclaimed,

But so much shorter than aimed.

One by one your systems faltered.

Doctors tried but could not alter.

A stay in the hospital in hopes of a miracle,

But in the middle of the night you'd had enough.

Slipped away, you'd fought the fight, it was time to rest.

Your brothers wander and haunt your spot.

Your humans cry for one day more.

I pray you have found the rainbow bridge

With bowls of food and toys galore.

And I hope one day I'll see you once more...

4Nbahu