Actions Have Consequences (fiction)

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Lal,

I was surprised to receive your letter. After all it has been almost five years since we last met.

I am sorry for the loss of your son, Raj. Even though we parted on bad terms I would never have wished him any harm.

Your request to visit with my son took me by surprise. It forced me to remember things I would rather forget.

I remember when I first met Raj. It was the first day of our senior year at high school. He was tall dark and handsome and walked through the halls as if he owned the school, everything a 17 year old girl dreams of. Rumors had run rampant through the school about the new senior boy who had just transferred from California: that he was good in basketball and tennis, had gotten over 1500 on his SATs, and had his own convertible. During the next month every girl in school tried to get him to ask her out. Some even got the nerve to ask him out. He always said no.

I was the nice smart girl who was good for borrowing notes from. I could never be considered “cute”. The kind of girl boys my age liked to be friends with. I had never had any serious boyfriends. Until Raj.

We were lab partners for Chemistry class. At first we only discussed our classes and homework. Then slowly we became friends and we started to talk about what we dreamed of doing after graduation. Eventually, he asked me out on a date. I walked on air the entire week.

For our first date we went to the sock hop after a football game. You can’t imagine how I felt walking into the dance with him. That night we danced every danced, he never left my side and when he took me home he kissed me.

Over the next couple of months we spent every moment we could together. Usually we met in the library and pretended to study in the back while we held hands and whispered our dreams to each other.

By Christmas vacation I knew I was in love. I also realized that something wasn’t quite right. My parents had met Raj many times and he had even been invited to many dinners and celebrations in my house, but I had never met you. I wasn’t even allowed to call your house. When I brought the topic up to Raj he would always say you were very old fashioned and wouldn’t understand him dating.

Even though I was uncomfortable dating someone who refused to let me meet his parents, I was young and thought love would conquer all.

Then you found out about me. I can still remember walking into my house and seeing both of you sitting with my parents in the living room. The Christmas tree was up and the lights kept blinking. Without even acknowledging my presence you stood and walked out of the house. You left it to my mother to explain to me that you would never approve of Raj having a relationship with a non Indian and that you wanted them to make sure that I never contacted Raj again. My parents felt that as long as Raj’s parents disapproved of him seeing me, they would forbid me to see Raj.

The next morning Raj and I met in the library before school as usual. As we clung to each other he explained that his aunt had seen us at the movies together and had told his mother. He went on to say that we would have to be a little more careful until graduation. I kept thinking that after graduation we would be eighteen and could be together forever. Then came the prom.

We had been intimate since Christmas break. Both of my parents worked during the day. One day Raj lied and said he was going to one of his guy friend’s house. He and I had planned to watch movies, eat junk food and just be together all day. However, as soon as we were alone in the house together we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Luckily I knew where my parents kept their condoms. After that, whenever we could find a spot to be alone we would make love. But we always made sure that we were protected. Neither of us wanted any accidents to happen.

As you know Raj and I lied to both you and my parents as to whom we were going to the prom with. I said I was going stag with a bunch of girls. He said he was going stag with a bunch of boys. You had become suspicious that Raj was still seeing me and so we had not been able to be together for more than two weeks. As soon as we met at the dance we left and checked into a motel. We both were so excited we didn’t realize the condom had broken until it was too late. As couples have done since the beginning of time we prayed that nothing would happen. After all we had always been so careful. Just this once we prayed and we would never let such a thing happen again.

The next two weeks were nerve wracking. Not only was I praying for my period to come, but also I noticed that Raj seemed to be putting space between us. It got to the point where the only thing he asked me was if I had gotten my period yet. By the time I was two days late and took the home pregnancy test, Raj had already said he needed space. That we were going to fast.

When I told him the pregnancy test was positive he told me he would pay for an abortion. I had been thinking about that option for the entire time I had been waiting, but I also knew that even though I was pro choice I couldn’t do it. This baby had been conceived in love and that even though I was petrified I wanted to keep it.

When I refused the abortion he accused me of trying to trap him and saying that he was quite sure I must have been with other guys. I remember begging him through my tears to stay with me, that I loved him that he had promised we would be together always. Finally he told me that there was no way he could go against his parent’s wishes and marry me. After all he had been accepted to Harvard. He wasn’t going to waste his life on me and a mixed blood baby.

I went home and cried so much I made myself sick. The next morning my mother found me in the bathroom vomiting. She guessed right away what the problem was. When I told her what Raj had said she called my father and both of them went to see both of you. They didn’t want to tell me what had been said but I overheard them talking in the night. How you had called me a whore and that even if their son was proven to be the father no bastard child would be accepted in your home. So the next day they hired a lawyer for me. The lawyer said nothing could be done until the baby was born.

I tried to talk to Raj at school but he avoided me as if I had the plague. Then he started a rumor that I was promiscuous. Boys came out of the woodwork looking for a good time. By the time graduation came I was two months pregnant and had only two good friends left and Raj disappeared. For that matter so did you. My lawyer tried to have you traced when my son was born but at that time all they could learn was that you had returned to India.

We learned later that Mr. Lal had asked for a transfer to England and that Raj was accepted to Oxford. That’s when the lawyer explained there was nothing more we could do.

The next year was hard, not only on me but also on my parents. I had planned to go to college but here I was eighteen and soon to be a mother. Luckily, my parents gave me moral and financial support.

While we were waiting for the baby to arrive we devised a plan. Instead of me going away for college I would go to a university near my parent’s house. I would continue living at home to help keep my expenses down. I started my freshman year four months pregnant. I then took a leave of absence for the second semester. In January my son was born. I sent a picture and letter to Raj’s aunt, hoping that she would forward it to him. I remember thinking that once Raj saw a picture of him he would surely come back and claim him. I cried for weeks after my letter came back, with “RETURN TO SENDER” in big letters and underneath “DON’T CONTACT US AGAIN” on the envelope.

By August I returned to the University and while I was in class I enrolled the baby into day care. The next two years were hard. Between studying and being a single mother I never had time to relax or just be a young girl. But then I met Sid.

Sid and I were in the same marketing class. He would try and talk to me and I would just ignore him. I remember he once asked me if I was going to punish all men for whatever “the one” had done to me. I asked him what made him think I had let a guy do anything to me.

He said it was either a guy or that I was one of those militant man hating lesbian types. Since he never saw me checking out any of the girl’s asses then it must have been a guy. I burst out laughing.

I was still wary of him, but he kept sitting next to me. Whenever he could he would make a smart remark, trying to make me laugh. Once, I laughed so hard I had to write a ten page paper as punishment for interrupting the class. But I would never talk to him about anything personal. Until one day the professor put us together for a group project.

There were five of us in a group and we were to meet at one the girl’s apartment for a strategy meeting. Unfortunately, it was after the day care hours and I couldn’t make alternate arrangements. So I took my son to the meeting. The look on Sid’s face was priceless. Then he said, “I told you it was a guy”. After the meeting he walked me to the car and asked me out on a date. I explained to him that just because I had a kid didn’t mean I was easy. He just looked at me and said, “I’ve chased you for two months, easy never even crossed my mind”.

For the rest of the semester and through the summer we took it slow, going to movies, picnics or just taking my son to the park. I refused to be pushed into a more serious relationship until I met his parents. You can’t imagine my surprise that during Parent’s Weekend at the university Sid had his parents meet my son and I. All of us went out to dinner they even played with my son so I could finish my meal while it was still hot.

When I told my parents about Sid they were a bit wary. They didn’t want me hurt again, but, after meeting him several times and seeing how well he treated my son and me, they decided to accept him.

The following Thanksgiving he invited me to his house for dinner. He wanted his whole family to meet me. He also wanted to announce our engagement.

We spent the next six months planning our graduation, our wedding and our future. My father had retired and my parent’s decided to sell their house and move to Florida, so Sid and I decided to move closer to his family’s house so they could help out with our son.

I say “our son” because Sid had decided to adopt my son. We hired a lawyer to track Raj down. I flew to England to get him to sign papers relinquishing his parental rites. There the three of you sat. None of you even bothered to ask about the child that shared your blood. I remember you being very insistent that I sign a paper stating that I was not owed any back child support. When I offered to show you a photograph you asked why I thought you would want to see some whore’s offspring. As soon as I signed your document, Raj quickly signed mine and then asked me to leave. You didn’t even bother to offer me a glass of water. You didn’t even bother to ask your grandson’s name.

I returned home that same night. Sid had offered to go to England with me, but I needed that time to put my past where it belonged. In the past. When I returned to the States there he was with our son waiting for me with open arms.

A month after graduation we were married with both of our families in attendance. It was more than joining my life to Sid’s it was joining our two families. The day after the wedding Sid officially became my son’s father.

Sid was able to get a good job and with his and my parents’ help we were able to set up our home much sooner than we expected. We also decided to expand our family quickly so that our son wouldn’t be too much older than his siblings. We have been blessed these passed four years. We are now the proud parents of two sons and two twin daughters. I am able to stay at home and raise our children. And in those times when I need to get away, my mother in law comes and whisks the children away so that I can get a little me time or even some we time with my husband.

Then your letter came. I had heard from a friend of a friend that Raj had become engaged. Then I heard that he was killed by a drunk driver a week before his wedding. Again I am sorry for your loss. Not only for you losing your only child, which you had no control over, but also for the loss of your grandchild which you did. My son, the one whose name you never asked and whose name I will not tell has four loving grandparents. He has grandparents who will always love him and will only wish the best for him and who will love him even though he is of mixed blood and was born out of wedlock. He has four grandparents who see him as a gift from God and not a whore’s progeny.

I am sorry but I deny your request not out of any sense of revenge but because you have shown your true hearts and where once you believed that I was not good enough for your son or your family, I have come to realize that you are not good enough for mine.

I kindly request that you never contact me or my family again.

Mrs. Siddhartha Kumar nee Lisa Smith