Scooped Insides


I know both who and what I am.  It is not necessary for anyone else to know.  Only one thing is important.  At the moment, I feel like my insides have been scooped out.
I sit here alone.  Again.  The details why aren’t very interesting.  The fact that I received bad news isn’t even interesting.  The fact that my insides feel like they have been scooped is downright boring.  

I don’t believe in regret. I don’t believe in guilt. I am practical.  If I can’t change something, then I don’t think about it.  I have conditioned myself to not dwell on things that cannot be changed.

Pain.  There are so many types of pain.  The worst kind is when your insides are hollow.  When you hear bad news and know there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.  The kind you have to live through.

The hollowness is not only physical but emotional and rational as well.  The stomach hurts.  Emotions bounce from extreme to extreme.  Thoughts turn upon themselves.  Until finally one by one each becomes numb.  To dull the pain’s sharpness a poison .  Food.  Alcohol.  Sleep.  Violence.  Stoicism.  Anything to fill the hollow.  Until control is lost.  Then Again.  Pain.  

Eventually acceptance and with luck peace will come.  Until then.  My insides feel like they have been scooped out.

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