Hallyu (Korean Wave) Or How K-dramas Made Me Feel




            It started simply enough by being bored and in desperate need of a distraction.  Somehow Netflix started showing me some East Asian titles.  As an American who has lived in India for the past 30 years, I have become accustomed to watching shows with subtitles.  So whether the actors are speaking Hindi, Japanese, Mandarin, or Korean, really doesn’t effect how I enjoy the show.  After all I’m after a good story.

For some reason the Japanese show “Good Morning Call”   caught my attention.  I was in the mood for just a light hearted simple romance.  Considering the fact that the couple were in their late teens and still in high school it was kind of refreshing that all the students weren’t sleeping together and bed hopping a la “The O.C.” I was intrigued by how the school was portrayed (and no I don’t think that is how Japanese High Schools are, but just as there is a kernel of truth in US teenage dramas, I wondered where the Kernel was in “Good Morning Call”.  Watching the young couple dance around each other, and waiting for those first touches and the first kiss. The awkward single arm pull in and hug, reminded me of my youth and dating an Indian.  While I railed at so much of the extreme stoicness of Uehara, I empathized with the characters as my husband was similar. Hiding behind emotions that he’d never been taught to identify and really having issues with any type of PDA, because people might talk. 

            I watched both seasons and was quite happy with that warm and fuzzy feeling you get after a romantic comedy. I wanted more. 

            The next thing I found was “Boys Before Flowers”, this drama sucked me in quickly, and yet left me ranting and raving.  Lee Min Ho’s character drove me mad, he was such a spoiled rotten kid and I’ve met so many of those in my life and it rarely works out well for their partners.  I just kept wanting to tell the character Geum Jan Di, played by Ku Hye-Sun, don’t fall for the selfish pretty boys.  They’re cute, they are fun to date, but for the long hall they will break your heart over and over.  While I loved Lee Min Ho’s acting, I preferred the character Yoon Ji Hoo, played by Kim Hyun-joong.  Yoon Ji Hoo made her laugh, she was comfortable with him, but like all young girls/women it is that racing of the heart, the thought that I can change him.  That the person he is with me is the real him, when most often the actions of the love interest towards people they don’t love, is the real them.

Again “Boys Before Flowers”, made me reminisce dating my husband.  Like the women in these shows, I had very limited experience with the opposite sex.  I had had only one serious relationship and that one had ended more with a whimper than a bang, at least from my side.  With my husband, we started dating with the intention that it would end, he was almost 5 years older than me and planned to return to his country and I was too young to think about anything more than dating.  Problem is the heart wants what the heart wants.  I chose to have an intimate relationship with him assuming we would not end up with each other, because I didn’t want to grow old regretting.  In these teen age shows the societal restrictions kept overshadowing young love and they hide the hormonal excess of young men and women.

Since I liked Lee Min Ho so much in “Boys Before Flowers”, I then watched “The Inheritors”, also known as “Heirs”.  While watching “Heirs”, I realized that my favorite subplot involving Choi Jin-Hyuk, was closer to an adult intimate relationship.   There didn’t seem to be any coyness or false modesty in the relationship between Choi Jin-Hyuk’s character, Kim Won and Jeon Hyun-Joo.  I realized I wanted to take that same happy ending feeling into a show with adult relationships. 

            So began my binge watching of “You Are My Destiny”, the love couple are both adults, Kim Mi Young played by Jang Na-ra, is a young woman infatuated with one of the lawyers in the firm she is working in as what I assume is a paralegal.  Lee Gun played by Jang Hyuk is a man in love with a professional ballet dancer, who puts her career above her relationship.  She loves Lee Gun, but like many people, believes that the can take love for granted.  I liked the way decisions were taken.  More importantly I fell in love with Jang Hyuk’s acting.  Initially I was hooked by his presence, I have to admit, while the young men in the earlier shows are undeniably attractive and good actors, I felt a bit pervy. Though I know they are adults they are a bit boyish for my grown woman’s taste.  Jang Hyuk on the other hand looked like a man a woman could lean on, that he had been seasoned with time.  However, his acting is what struck me to the core.  He was fun and playful, stoic and strong, an abyss of mourning, full of need while at the same time protecting his loved ones.  He was there to protect his women and give them a safety net while at the same time encouraging them to be their best selves and to follow their dreams. 

            These characteristics are the same that made me fall in love with my husband.  We started out liking each other, wishing to date, but knowing that as an only son he had responsibilities and duties owed to his parents.  I at 18 had no desire to become serious with anyone.  He made my chest ache.  Looking at him made my heart skip and pound.  I was dating a couple of other guys at the time.  I had just finished a serious relationship when I began college.  I did not wish to be exclusive nor did I want a serious relationship.  I wanted to concentrate on the college experience.  He needed to finish his MBA and return home.  We were honest with each other, just not to ourselves.  I met him in January and was in love by March.  In February he kissed me as we took a walk around campus after a birthday dinner for common friends.  It was frantic as my back was against a tree.  Pent up longing erupted and we didn’t have a clue. 

            That is what the K-dramas bring back to this older middle aged woman, who has been married for 30+ years to that Asian man.  Reliving the frustration of no PDA, having to teach him to identify and express his emotions because no one explained to him that your partner can’t read your mind, so you actually have to say the words “I Love You”.  35+ years of getting him to understand that I don’t need him to fix all of my problems, just listen as I talk about them sometimes.  I needed him to learn that while trinkets and luxuries were nice, it was his time spent with me that was the best gift.  The nights under blankets holding one another that brought me peace and a sense of safety.  The K-dramas stripped away the years of being the corporate wife, the soccer mom, the volunteer, the memsahib, the madam.  It stripped me of all the things I’ve had to become and allowed me to be the young woman who looked at the young man and lived for the moment for that connection, that catch in the breath, the longing for that “accidental” touch of hands in public, that secret smile of knowing that when we were alone I could touch to my heart’s content, the knowing that wherever he was, he was mine and mine alone.  More importantly, as an older woman I can look at my man with decades of knowledge of knowing who he is and I still feel the longing to walk the plaza holding his hand and knowing he is mine and when we are alone that touch will once again make me feel safe at home. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Much Loved Woman

Image
                 She was not perfect, she didn’t even claim to be.  She just did the best she could.  She was born during WWII, to hard working people.  She had siblings.  They loved but weren’t openly affectionate.  I doubt if communication was important.  Where she learned to hug and kiss and talk I’ll never know, but I know she learned so that her children would always know.           She had to get married, I know she loved my Dad just as he loved her, but sometimes love isn’t enough and sometimes love can be killed.  Unlike so many other divorcees I’ve known, she never passed her new found dislike of my father down.  She informed us, that we had one father and we didn’t get to choose, we had to love him, only when we became older would she admit, that even if we had to love him, it was our choice to respect him or not.            She didn’t make all the games, plays or concerts.  She had to work up to 60 hours a week, because once you are a retail “manager” they owned your
Read more

Spaghetti for Christmas (recipe)

Image
I grew up in a typical small town that through my growing up years had a population between 5-10 thousand.  If you didn’t know everyone’s name it was still likely that you would know of the family.  My neighborhood consisted of ranch style houses sitting on ⅙ of an acre plot.  When I was very young we, my mom’s sister’s family and Mom’s parents all lived within 2-3 blocks of each other.  Most holidays would find us at my Grandparents house.  That would be 6 adults and five kids in a house with 1 bathroom and only 900 sq feet of space.   Across the street from my Grandparents lived a very nice family of Italian descent.  The father of the house was a postman and had white (grey) hair, but everyone called him Red (rumor had it that when he was younger he had red hair).  The mother, Dolores, was a small compact woman with a smile that made you feel as if you were home.  Mom once told me that when she was little she would go over to their house to watch TV.  To my young mind, it was diffic
Read more

Who’s Who of Indian Relatives

Image
Above please find a chart that explains family relationships in a simple manner (HIndi).  I copied this from Wikipedia.  I tried to find the creator, but was unable.  If someone knows the creator please let me know.  When I first met my relatives it became important to know who was who and more importantly where they fit in the family hierarchy.  In the west all parent siblings are aunt and uncle or all parents of parents are grandparents, grandparents’ siblings are great aunt or great uncle, children of parents’ siblings are cousins whether male or female.  In Indian culture it is not only important to know the gender, but to know whether this person is related to you by Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, or Son or Daughter.   At first to a Westerner it sounds complicated, but once learned it allows relations to make sense.    The first thing one needs to remember is that traditionally Indians had a joint family system.  The wife would move into her husband’s home.  Second thing to reme
Read more