Porn vs Real Life
I used to raid my children’s desktop computers. Of course this was in the day when I knew more than the kids on how to find what they wanted hidden. I can’t say I was surprised to find porn one day, but it forced me to discuss things with them that they did not want to hear.
Unlike many parents, it wasn’t the fact that they wanted to see nude pictures, it was the fear of the expectations those pictures and clips would instill in them. I wanted them to understand that porn leads to unrealistic expectations.While I touched on most of the topics I am soon to discuss, even I couldn’t go into the depth of the subjects without forever scarring us all. So here is what I wish I could have said to my children.
First and foremost, it is natural that you want to know what other people look like naked, but please don’t compare yourself to them because those are idealized versions of men and women.
Most if not all have had some type of surgery to enhance their looks from their breast, butt, and calf implants to liposuction, from botox to cheek implants (both sets).
While there are some women who have natural DDs they don’t stay high like half cut watermelons. The weight, when not held in a bra, causes the heaviest part of the breast to sag. When you are young the tissue is still firm and tight but each year that weight pulls and stretches and gravity always wins. Eventually that much weight causes extreme pain for the woman, causing shoulder and back issues. Not that a teenage boy really cares about that.
Photos are photoshopped and airbrushed, making each woman look smooth and pore free. Makeup has been applied to remove imperfections. Perhaps even a bit of blusher to make the nipples more rosy. The room is kept cold so that the nipples pucker as if aroused. Special filters are use in videos to enhance the ambiance and the participants.
Hair on the head has been professionally set and curled, underarm and leg hair have usually been removed for that smooth flawless skin. Pubic hair has usually been trimmed or fully removed.
All of these tricks are used to enhance the fantasy of obtaining the perfect siren.
The men are usually chosen for the size of their penis, If you do any googling it is easy to find that the average erect penis is 5.1 inches. Doctors consider penile augmentation usually for men with an erect penis of less than 3 inches. So when the man in the porn video shows off his stuff remember anything above 7 inches is considered large. Large doesn’t always mean good.
Real men and women have body flaws, they have saggy breasts and bottoms, sometimes the hair isn’t perfect, sometimes they don’t smell of expensive perfumes, feet and hands can be cold. Sometimes arousal takes a long time, sometimes the partner never becomes aroused because of stress or alcohol.
Men are able to be easily aroused visually. Women on the other hand usually need a fair amount of foreplay. In porn it’s “you look good lets have sex”. In real life, most women need an emotional connection and petting until she is wet enough for something to enter her vagina without it hurting. For women a penis entering a dry vagina is very painful as if something is being torn or sliced inside. Even during a one night stand, the woman deserves to receive as much pleasure as the man. The best way to check that is for the male (or penetrating female) to use their hands and test, “is my partner wet”, can a finger slide inside without her being in pain, can 2 fit , and depending upon his size may even need to try 3 fingers. Beyond that what consensual partners do is their business, the important thing to remember is that each partner should enjoy the experience.
In porn movies, it is usually immediate attraction, immediate copulation, with both finishing with multiple orgasms. While this may have happened somewhere sometime, it is unlikely to happen that way. Each person is different in how they wish to be touched. While most enjoy similar erogenous zones, some men and women may find certain areas uncomfortable.
The following concepts are what I believe and I tried to explain some of it, I felt it was important for my children to understand both sides of a sexual relationship.
Two of my most common statements to them were “no cover no lover and if you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, then you need to be too embarrassed to have sex”. In this day and age to have sex with anyone without a condom is just too dangerous, pregnancy and STDs have lifelong repercussions. The other statement was “if the other person says no, back off, even if they eventually say yes, that means they are unsure, if they have to be convinced then they are not ready for an adult relationship”. I realize that neither of these statements mean anything to a hormonal teenager, but if something is said often enough some of it will trickle in.
Most if not all have had some type of surgery to enhance their looks from their breast, butt, and calf implants to liposuction, from botox to cheek implants (both sets).
While there are some women who have natural DDs they don’t stay high like half cut watermelons. The weight, when not held in a bra, causes the heaviest part of the breast to sag. When you are young the tissue is still firm and tight but each year that weight pulls and stretches and gravity always wins. Eventually that much weight causes extreme pain for the woman, causing shoulder and back issues. Not that a teenage boy really cares about that.
Photos are photoshopped and airbrushed, making each woman look smooth and pore free. Makeup has been applied to remove imperfections. Perhaps even a bit of blusher to make the nipples more rosy. The room is kept cold so that the nipples pucker as if aroused. Special filters are use in videos to enhance the ambiance and the participants.
Hair on the head has been professionally set and curled, underarm and leg hair have usually been removed for that smooth flawless skin. Pubic hair has usually been trimmed or fully removed.
All of these tricks are used to enhance the fantasy of obtaining the perfect siren.
The men are usually chosen for the size of their penis, If you do any googling it is easy to find that the average erect penis is 5.1 inches. Doctors consider penile augmentation usually for men with an erect penis of less than 3 inches. So when the man in the porn video shows off his stuff remember anything above 7 inches is considered large. Large doesn’t always mean good.
Real men and women have body flaws, they have saggy breasts and bottoms, sometimes the hair isn’t perfect, sometimes they don’t smell of expensive perfumes, feet and hands can be cold. Sometimes arousal takes a long time, sometimes the partner never becomes aroused because of stress or alcohol.
Men are able to be easily aroused visually. Women on the other hand usually need a fair amount of foreplay. In porn it’s “you look good lets have sex”. In real life, most women need an emotional connection and petting until she is wet enough for something to enter her vagina without it hurting. For women a penis entering a dry vagina is very painful as if something is being torn or sliced inside. Even during a one night stand, the woman deserves to receive as much pleasure as the man. The best way to check that is for the male (or penetrating female) to use their hands and test, “is my partner wet”, can a finger slide inside without her being in pain, can 2 fit , and depending upon his size may even need to try 3 fingers. Beyond that what consensual partners do is their business, the important thing to remember is that each partner should enjoy the experience.
In porn movies, it is usually immediate attraction, immediate copulation, with both finishing with multiple orgasms. While this may have happened somewhere sometime, it is unlikely to happen that way. Each person is different in how they wish to be touched. While most enjoy similar erogenous zones, some men and women may find certain areas uncomfortable.
The following concepts are what I believe and I tried to explain some of it, I felt it was important for my children to understand both sides of a sexual relationship.
Two of my most common statements to them were “no cover no lover and if you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, then you need to be too embarrassed to have sex”. In this day and age to have sex with anyone without a condom is just too dangerous, pregnancy and STDs have lifelong repercussions. The other statement was “if the other person says no, back off, even if they eventually say yes, that means they are unsure, if they have to be convinced then they are not ready for an adult relationship”. I realize that neither of these statements mean anything to a hormonal teenager, but if something is said often enough some of it will trickle in.
I truly believe that sex should be between two adults in a committed relationship. I don’t think sex should be “scratching an itch”. Old fashioned yes, but I am also aware that not everyone believes the same, not even sure if my children agree with me.
I explained to my sons that for women, sex is an invasion of their body and often trust is required to relax and enjoy the experience. I also believe when there is an emotional commitment, sex becomes making love which is a more intimate experience. It takes time for two people to learn what makes sex enjoyable, quite often what is enjoyable for one person is uncomfortable for others. How a woman wants her breasts pleasured, how a man likes his balls touched. Should it be fast and furious or slow and languid. Sometimes a person likes it different ways depending upon situation. Which position gives each partner the most pleasure? All of these topics take time to learn in order to allow making love become more important about the journey and not just the destination.
I understood my children’s curiosity, I understood their desire to learn more about sex. I even understood that it was difficult to have those discussions with their mother. I also understood that it was my responsibility as their parent to get them to understand that looking and objectifying someone for personal sexual gratification is no better than scratching an itch. It was my responsibility to teach them that they should take the time to meet someone and take the time to build a relationship then they can have an intimate experience that is about two people building a life together and having fun on their journey.
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