When Far from Home – Holidays

I have now lived in India longer than I lived in the US, but in my heart of hearts, America is still home. It’s where I grew up, it’s where my side of the family lives. Its culture, food and holidays still fill me with anticipation.

For some things I could find or create a substitute for in Delhi. Just within the first week of arriving one of our longest family traditions was started. It began with 20 of my in-law’s friends. My in-laws didn’t know how I celebrated Christmas, but for my first Christmas Eve in Delhi, they had arranged for a little evergreen Christmas bush and decorated it with lights. They had invited some of their closest friends for snacks and dinner. We sang Christmas carols and old Hindi movie songs. It wasn’t quite like home, but the love they showered on me, by doing this was unparalleled.

When Hubby and I were in the US one his partners hosted an annual Christmas Cocktail Open House. I thought it was a fantastic concept. By the time my 2^nd Christmas in India came around I was a mother and our artificial tree had arrived with all of our belongings. We put the tree up downstairs and once again invited my in-law’s friends and their children for a night of good food and song.

The third year my portion of the house had been built. Ground floor was for Mummy, Papa, Nani, and Mausi. Middle floor belonged to Hubby and I, it had a kitchen where I could cook nonveg, a huge living/dining room, a library, a bathroom and two balconies. The top floor had two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a huge front terrace.

That third year we not only invited my in-law’s friends but some of ours. We also included some close family members. With Christmas carols playing in the background and food covering my dining room table our Christmas Cocktails began in earnest.

In those early years, I would cook almost everything, insisting each item on the table had to be American or at least Western. Small veg and chicken sandwiches (I had to roast and then remove all the meat from several whole chickens), devilled eggs, cocktail meatballs (the ones made with jam and chili sauce), Pizzas (I’d make 6 liters of pizza sauce every year), Mummy would make her macaroni in white sauce, and I’d bake cookies. I had and still have the Better Homes & Garden “Cookies” cookbook. I would and still make chocolate chip, oatmeal, Grasshopper (chocolate sandwich cookies with peppermint cream), brownies w/ walnuts or sprinkles, and no bakes for the strict vegetarians (because they are eggless). I have added and subtracted other cookies over the years - rum balls, jam cookies, lemon cookies, snickerdoodles. However, the staples were always the first list.

The family would put the tree up the beginning of December. The amount of decorations grew through the years as each year we would look for new. Through the years some were lost, some were damaged beyond use, but most are wrapped and boxed carefully until the following year. Today we could probably decorate three trees and none of them would look sparse.

As I stated, that first year, the invite list was around 20 people, but slowly each year more names were added to the list. Between Mummy, my mother-in-law’s cook (he would bake the pizzas throughout the party) and I, we were able to continue making all the food ourselves, until the guest list reached 80 people. When the guest list reached 80 I told Hubby I couldn’t handle it all by myself anymore. I had a basic cooking range with a small oven. The previous year we had so many guests and they all wanted our fresh homemade pizzas. However, the cook and my poor little oven just couldn’t keep up, during the peak time in the evening they were coming out either half cooked or burnt from where he jacked the heat up as high as it could go.

We were also running into problems with a lack of glasses and serving dishes. We had purchased 100 plates and spoons, but we didn’t have the space for several hundred highball, wine, soft drink, punch cups and regular water glasses. So we decided to get help from a Banquet House that we had previously used for a family celebration.

So while I still made 70% of the food, we added some Chinese dishes. Chowmein, veg Manchurian, sweet & sour vegetable, spring rolls, and a few other snacks became part of the new tradition. That first year it was a little crazy. The tent house guys took over the back balcony, the library became the bar. Guests were spilling out everywhere.

The first couple of years the party had been held on the ground floor and that was fine. However, the year Hubby’s and my portion of the house was completed we moved it upstairs, but then we realized two things. 1. We had started inviting many of the family elders and climbing the stairs to our portion of the house was not a possibility. 2. Even if they could climb the stairs their children would probably be drinking and/or smoking upstairs and neither the parent nor the grown adult children wanted to see or be seen doing such things. So we began hosting the party on two floors.

By expanding the invitation list, we ran into another problem. This was a cocktail party and I felt and still feel that children didn’t have a place in that environment. My children were upstairs in their room for most of the evening with the maid. She would come down and get them some food and take it up to them. I decided that anyone who came had to be 15 years of age or older. For some couples this was a great thing. They got to have a family dinner with no responsibilities. For others it was a hardship. If both the parents and the grandparents were invited or if there wasn’t anyone home, what would they do with the kids? Then the rule became, the kids are not invited, but if you have no other choice bring them, BUT, they have to stay upstairs with my kids. Eventually, it became ground floor – elders, middle floor – young to middle aged adults, and top floor – anyone under the age of 15.

As with everything else in life, this changed a bit. As the kids began school, they wanted to invite their friends, so we gave them 10 invitations to do with as they wished. We even set up a soft drink and appetiser table on the top floor terrace so the kids could spread out and hang. It only became a problem as the ground and middle floors were bursting at the seams and some of the adults would invade the kids’ territory. Oh! the best laid plans.

Eventually, Hubby, the kids, and I moved to South Delhi due to his job. Since it was a more central location the Christmas Party’s location changed as well. Luckily, we invited our landlords and they didn’t make a fuss when once a year around 150 people invaded the ground floor and garden.

Moving to South Delhi had two effects.

1. More people began accepting our invitation. As I said earlier this cocktail was designed to be an open house. December in Delhi is right in the middle of the social season. Many people had two or three invitations per night for weddings, business events, and just normal seasonal parties. While my marital home is in Delhi, it was on the outskirts and could take more than an hour to reach on a busy night and two hours on a popular wedding night. Which meant that you could come to the Christmas party, but not another unless the other one started very early or was going to go on very late. However, once we were in South Delhi, people could stop by our place as a formality and then go on to another or vice versa.

2. We had to change caterers. We lived too far for the previous caterer to be effective. We had been members of the American Club for some time. Since I wanted American fare, I went to them and they became our caterer. Unlike the Banquet House, I couldn’t just do a few added items, it wasn’t worth their time. Since the cookie requirement had skyrocketed, my not cooking main food items made my life simpler. Although it made my staff unhappy.

Why did it make my staff unhappy? Previously, when I made all the food, it was my food, at the end of the evening I could do what I wanted with it. At the end of the Christmas Party, the staff would pack huge plates and bowls of food to take home and share with their families. In those days, pizza and even Chinese food was a novelty, cookies and brownies, the way I made them, were beyond their budgets. By hiring a caterer, much of the food went back to their kitchen. Obviously, anything that had been put out to be served was not taken back, but things would have not been fully refilled as the midnight hour appeared. There was always enough for the staff to have their dinner, but usually not enough to take home and feed their families, except for the cookies.

That first year, 1991, I made a few batches of cookies and brownies. I had quite a few left over. Over the next few years I noticed people would put a few in a napkin and stuff them in their pockets. One of my friends explained to me that she didn’t want to eat too many at the party, but when she got home and slipped into bed, that is when she wanted to eat the cookies. I started giving a piece of foil to anyone who asked. Eventually, most people asked. And my cookie count had to go up.

My cookie count. It now takes on average 7 days of baking - 6 batches of Grasshoppers, 5 batches of chocolate chip, 4 batches of oatmeal, 15 batches of brownies, 4 batches of no bakes (try getting all of the batter onto the foiled table before it hardened in the pan. It eventually became an all hands on deck event, with 4 people each having two spoons, one to dip in that hot chocolate mixture and the other to scrape off on the aluminum foiled dining table. Drips of chocolate flying everywhere.) 4 batches of rum balls, 4 batches of snickerdoodles. Once people realized that I didn’t mind them taking cookie home, people started to load up. I actually, had to put a limit on the amount people could take – 4 of each kind per family. Most people controlled themselves, but there were a few who pretended not to hear. To ensure that the family would have enough for the season, I had to pack up cookies and hide them, before I put the rest out for the party.

My cookies and their count became famous. Each year friends and family in the US would wait for the annual cookie count, wondering if I’d get them all made in time.

I was once told a story that two young women met in California, I think they had gone for college. They began to reminisce of home and got to talking about these cookies their parents used to bring home from their friend’s Christmas party. It turned out both of their parents annually attended my Christmas Party and would bring their children a cookie bag home.

It wasn’t just the cookies that brought people to the party it was a multitude of things.

The Alcohol. I don’t consume alcohol, but Delhi can’t have an event without it and Hubby does like his spirits. When we first started having the party we could afford ACP, Aristocratic Premium Whisky. It was Hubby’s preferred brand at the time. We would also have some rum, Old Monk initially, and then some Bacardi when it entered the market. We would also have some wine. All of that was Hubby’s purview.

When he got a promotion and a raise he added, a new better quality whisky, I can’t remember the name, but what I do remember was it was Rs 950 a bottle and I about had a heart attack because he bought 6 or maybe 9 bottles, plus all the rest of the usual stuff. See, Hubby loved providing a quality bar, with the right glasses and accompaniments, orange and tomato juice to go with the vodka, lemon and salt for the rims of the bloody mary’s, lime cordial and tonic for the gin, proper wine glasses, highball glasses for the whisky and later scotch drinkers and cordial glasses for the end of the evening when he would bring out his Tia Maria and Baileys for the late night revellers.

As he rose in his career Hubby’s alcohol preferences changed as well, first it was whisky, then scotch, followed by single malts and then recently he discovered bourbon. Now he is not an ungracious host so he would try to have interesting items for his guests over the years we have had punch, mulled wine, apple cider, and even mimosas. Of course, he would always have the traditional spirits, wines, beer and mixers. He aimed to please.

Nonalcoholic Beverages. Since I don’t imbibe I always wanted to ensure that I and other teetotallers had an interesting selection . I had grown bored with the usual cola, orange and lemon sodas which were the usual offerings for us. That is why the punches and hot apple cider would be offered with or without a kicker.

We also provided Indian espresso, which has nothing in common with its Italian counterpart, except they were both coffee based. Indian espresso is steamed milk mixed with instant coffee and sugar and topped with drinking chocolate powder. It’s a very middle class drink, usually found at weddings. In fact most caterer’s when asked, refuse to provide it. We had to have the tent house walla arrange the machine and a worker to handle it.

In India coffee is expensive and often the man running the machine would skimp on the coffee powder. I would have tetra packs of milk on hand to be used as needed. While I warned the coffeewala not to skimp on milk or coffee, I did tell him to go easy on the sugar. The guest could always add more if needed. On a cold winter night that sweet milky mocha confection was the perfect tummy warmer.

I once had a middle-aged man, a CEO, thank me for providing espresso. He hadn’t had it in years, and it brought back so many childhood memories. Every year I would find him at the espresso machine, he could have had the real stuff anytime he wanted, but it was that item from his childhood that made him happy.

Another favorite was kahwah, a Kashmiri spiced tea with bits of almond. The American Club caterer had purchased a traditional Kashmiri samovar and the small glasses. It didn’t make the tea taste better, but the performance of the wait staff pouring while using traditional items and wearing a Kashmiri hat added a little theatre to the event.

The Food. Once we began catering the entire menu, I was able to expand our choices. Many of the favorites repeated yearly, while others were served once and then off the menu.

From the very beginning the concept for the food was that everything would be available throughout the event, from soup to dessert, from beginning to end.

Normally, in India when invited to a dinner or event, the invitation might be for 8 pm, but no one expects anyone to arrive before 9. Once people arrived drinks and appetizers would be served….for 2-4 hours. Dinner could be served anywhere from 11 pm -1 in the morning. Once dinner was finished most guests would leave within half an hour. Basically, serving dinner was the indication that the evening was coming to a close.

However, the Christmas party was different. Many of the elders would arrive at 8, my generation would arrive between 9 and 10 and the kids’ friends, (when they became young adults) would arrive after 10. Some people would come have drinks and a snack and be on their way. Others might want to have dinner and then go to their 2^nd event. Others might be coming from an event where they were only served snacks and drinks. Some people just wanted to nibble and snack the whole night through. Others wanted to feast on everything. We, the hosts, would normally get to eat around 12:30 when the crowd thinned out. I think the latest our party ended was around 3 am.

Seating – Once we moved to South Delhi we had a huge garden. We began having tables so that our guests could sit and eat or actually, they would find their group so that they could just sit and chill with friends. So many times I would visit a table and there would be a big plate of Mongolian or dessert or maybe just a huge plate of the appetizers, sitting in the middle of the table with everyone reaching in with their fingers, forks, or spoons, sharing. The elders loved the fact that we had so much seating. They would sit and watch their kids, grandkids and family friends arrive. The could stay later because they didn’t get so tired standing. They would order cups of soup, tea and coffee and send one of the youngsters or even one of the wait staff off to find them something interesting to eat.

We used the American Club Catering for almost 10 years. We and our guests were treated like VIPs. The waiting staff often remembered our guests and their preferred drinks. They would go out of their way to help those who were unable to manage the lines at the live stations. One year someone asked for a cold coffee with artificial sweetener. Even though it wasn’t on the menu, they just went to the kitchen, had the cook find the necessary ingredients and make it. They knew we wanted our guests to be treated like royalty and they never once failed us. They would stay until the last guest left, whether that was 1am or 3:30 am. The left my house as clean as could be expected after 150+ people had traipsed through. Year after year, they would volunteer to work my event. Year after year all of them from the head chef to the kitchen-help worked to make my event memorable.

Once we began using the American Club as our caterers our menu changed significantly. Previously everything had to be on the dining table except for a few hot appetizers that were circulated by wait staff from the tent house. Eventually, I created a template for our menus.

1. Appetisers – We served at least 4 vegetarian and 4 nonvegetarian appetisers. Some were standard year after while a few were matched to the table cuisine, some of the standards would be batter fried shrimp, chicken tikka, fish fingers, chilli cheese toast, corn vol-au-vents. I even taught the caterer how to make the American cocktail meatballs with the jam and chili sauce gravy.

2. Soups – 2 soups one tomato or minestrone and another more exotic such as roasted pumpkin or a Chinese soup.

3. Live Stations – Mongolian was a favorite because we had separate grills for veg and nonveg therefore the vegetarians could see what went into their food. The counter would have lamb, chicken, rice, noodles, 10 vegetables and the guest could combine them in any way they wished with choice of Szechwan, teriyaki, black bean, or hot garlic sauce. In the early years before we discovered Mongolian, we would offer pasta station with choice of white, red, or bolognaise sauces to go with spaghetti, penne or rigatoni pastas. Rosti was another favorite. We had taken a trip to Switzerland and this was one of our favorite food items while there. The first year we served it, the caterer actually ran out of the potato mixture and had to make more on site. They were made individually with a wide variety of add-ons. It has been a staple for our parties ever since. Because who doesn’t love fried potatoes. Crepes – on a cold winter’s evening a warm crepe with a variety of fillings was the perfect sweet ending to the evening.

4. Table Buffet Food – While the live stations were great for the people who had time to stand in line and wait. For some of our guests who just wanted to pick up a plate and go we offered a full buffet dinner setup including salads, sides and main courses on our dining table. This is where most of the changes would occur. Each year, I chose a cuisine and then matched a soup, appetizer and dessert to enhance the experience. Over the years we have had Greek, Italian, Lebanese, Mexican, among others. Through the years it amazed me how innovative we could get.

5. Dessert Table – There were two desserts that were standard, German cheesecake, and Dutch apple pie. Additionally, we might have carrot cake or chocolate mint mouse. Sometimes the chef would get excited and perhaps have small collection of a variety of desserts. When he added the live crepe table, people would just indulge.

6. Cookies - You would think that with all of the desserts now offered, that my cookies would be overlooked, but no. It just became the return gift. A piece of foil graduated to small zip lock bags. New guests who would never ask, would be encouraged by their friends that it was not only OK, but expected to take some home. Especially, as they would never find the grasshopper cookies anywhere else.

Meeting Old Friends and Family. Though the food and drink rounded out the evening, it was meeting friends and family that drew people year after year. I can’t tell you the number of times people have come up to me and said they have just met someone from their childhood. They would sit at one of the tables and talk all night about when they were young. There were some people who would only meet up at our party.

Initially, the Christmas Party was held on Christmas Eve, I eventually, put a stop to that as it meant Christmas Day was spent cleaning up. The standard date became the Saturday before Christmas Eve. Soon, overseas relatives and friends would ask when the party was going to be held and plan their trips accordingly. They could show up at our party and meet many of their friends and loved ones at one go. It became a huge family reunion, class reunion, it was the party you could come and go as you needed, after all 150 people every year, you were bound to know someone and if you didn’t then at least you’d have some good food.

As I stated earlier initially and later the party was meant to be an adult event. With time the kids became teenagers and then adults. When they were in junior school they would be allowed to invite 10 of their friends, usually children of our guests. They would hang out on top floor. When we moved, they were entering their teenage years and were relegated to the lounge. Sometimes my kids would have to watch younger cousins. As they entered their teen years they were expected to come out front to meet and greet some of the elders. Once they made it to the front of the house the dress code came into effect.

For the Christmas Party people might show up in dressy casuals to formals depending on their evening’s itinerary. My kids usually just had to wear dress pants and a sweater. When they became teens it was expected they would wear a blazer or jacket of some sort. Their friends were expected to do the same. I remember once, one of the cousins had come from a school function and he was wearing sweats. I pulled him to the side and informed him that at his age it was a privilege to attend the Christmas Party and that I was not happy in the way he was dressed. It showed a lack of respect. He could have had his parents pack him pants and a sweater and he could have changed at our house.

Some might say “leave it, he’s just a kid”. But by this time I had lived in Delhi long enough to know that it was important to know how to dress. I had made enough faux pas during the previous decade to know how embarrassing it could be. But more importantly, by coming to an adult formal party in sweats, I felt slightly insulted, he had attended many of the parties and knew what the party was like. His Mom knew I talked with him. He knew that I loved him. But he learned that I had expectations when I gave him a privilege.

As my kids got older in their mid-teens it was expected they would work the party for some of the time. They would come out and meet the elders, ask if they needed any refreshments, arrange any requests. They would also have to answer a zillion questions as to what they were doing in school and what their life plans were. Most of the elders would have eaten and left by 10 which is when their friends came. Then they would be responsible for hosting their friends. Making sure that food and drinks were available.

I am an introvert by nature and had a difficult being hostess to a large group of people. I didn’t want my children to have the difficulties I did. I had the privilege of attending a friend’s annual spring luncheon and watched as the teenagers in their family worked the event. They moved among the guests, making small talk and ensuring that snacks and drinks were arranged. I realised that if my children learned what would be expected from an early age, they would not have the troubles I had. It is not easy being a good host, there is a lot of planning that goes into making an event go smoothly and making each of your guests feel special - that takes effort.

I have always been happy that the event became as important to my children as it has been to us, the older generation. As teenagers my children’s closest friends began mingling with the front of the house for a while, because they knew many of our guests. Then they would all disappear to be away from elders’ eyes.

When my children and their friends became adults, the parties merged. Mingling was done by all. My age group would see a young person and ask how their folks are, usually find out their folks were on the other side of the party. The kid’s who had grown up waiting for zip lock bag of cookies were now attending and packing their own cookies. Those who had been attending for years were experts at networking the event. When my oldest married, my daughter-in-law added new ideas for the menu and decorating and once again our invitation list expanded.

Recently, we moved into a flat which is unable to handle the 250+ people who now attend the Christmas party. Luckily our complex has a banquet hall with an attached garden. Unfortunately, we are now on the outer edge of NCR once again. The late December nights have become colder, or maybe we have become older. Nighttime traffic has become a nightmare as once again it can take some of our guests up to 2 hours to reach our home. So we made a change. We moved the date from Saturday night to Sunday lunch. Winter afternoons are a fantastic time to sit outside and soak up some rays. It has allowed for new changes. While a few guests still have to dress formally, if they are coming or going to another function, most choose dressy day casuals. Mimosas, Bloody Marys, and Beer are now favored over the single malts. There are still live stations and a buffet, but now we also offer some chaat, an Indian favorite. With the added space of the club lawn we have more tables and more people gathering together and relaxing, laughing, drinking and eating with friends and family until the winter sun dips below the horizon.

Planning the menus was my job. As the party numbers ballooned from 20 to 180 and more everyone had their jobs to do. Mummy, Hubby and the kids were responsible for the invite lists. First the lists would be created, invitations would printed (Hubby’s job) and stuffed in envelopes (kids and I), Labels, with all the addresses, would need to be affixed (kids and I)to the envelopes and checked against the master list (Hubby). The invitations would be sent out by courier and a daily list would come to Hubby as they were delivered, any undelivered invitations would be returned and then either Mummy or Hubby would call to confirm the address and do the needful. We had several family members who lived in Old Delhi. It was a guarantee that it would take at least three trips for all of them to receive their invitations, as the couriers would get lost. During the RSVP calls (Mummy and Hubby), some would tell us, “It doesn’t matter if I get an invitation or not, I’m still showing up.” Meanwhile I would be baking from morning to night in my little microwave/convection oven and my small regular oven. I would be communicating with the chef to confirm menu, numbers, timings, servingware, and any last minute changes to the menu. Hubby would then deal with the tent house walla. December nights get very cold and damp, we would have a shamiana or cloth structure to cover and in the front of the house, he would also arrange the tables, chairs, lighting, angiitis (coal or gas heaters) and of course the espresso machine. The day before the event the house would be in a tizzy as any extra decorations would be brought out, sometimes we would decorate a 2^nd tree or have a mechanical Santa Claus that danced and played music when people passed. The day of Hubby and later the kids would be responsible for setting up the bar. Apple juice would have to be spiced and heated (kids). Cookies would have to be arranged on a special table (me). As the guests would begin to arrive all of us would take our positions to greet our guests.

So many changes from that first Christmas Eve party. An event that began to make the new daughter-in-law feel welcome in the hope that she wouldn’t miss her home. It became a way we could gather our loved ones, friends, family, coworkers together. As years passed they merged into people we wanted to share a slice of our life with. Good food, good conversation, lots of laughter. So many memories. So many cookies. A family tradition.